Denizens of the candy bowl know I have tended towards foreign candies. So when I agreed to write about this one, I was hoping it would provide an opportunity to show balance, to find new hope for our nation. Sadly, I found yet another sign that the U.S. continues to trail the developed world in confectionery.
The disappointment starts with the package -- a non-tamper evident wrapper totally unsuited to these dangerous times. Untwisting the ends reveals a rough-hewn lump to which the photo barely does justice. Uneven ends and a wrinkled surface, like someone who just woke up and has pillow marks all over her face.
The flavor is sweet and tart, with notes of wet-ones and poultry seasoning. Where's the berry? Certainly not in the sample I received. Perhaps "mountain berry" is a euphemism, like certain oysters.
And no biting, please. This candy is so hard it will break your teeth. That means that like some brooding 3-hour art house film, once you start, you can't leave until it's over. Except this is more like like a Matthew McConaughey flick -- you liked the looks of it, but when the lights dim you realize you're stuck watching the Wedding Planner. Alone.
Jolly? I think not. Rancher? Hmm....
The disappointment starts with the package -- a non-tamper evident wrapper totally unsuited to these dangerous times. Untwisting the ends reveals a rough-hewn lump to which the photo barely does justice. Uneven ends and a wrinkled surface, like someone who just woke up and has pillow marks all over her face.
The flavor is sweet and tart, with notes of wet-ones and poultry seasoning. Where's the berry? Certainly not in the sample I received. Perhaps "mountain berry" is a euphemism, like certain oysters.
And no biting, please. This candy is so hard it will break your teeth. That means that like some brooding 3-hour art house film, once you start, you can't leave until it's over. Except this is more like like a Matthew McConaughey flick -- you liked the looks of it, but when the lights dim you realize you're stuck watching the Wedding Planner. Alone.
Jolly? I think not. Rancher? Hmm....
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2 comments:
This candy, like most things in the US (beef, coca-cola, popcorn, John Cougar Mellencamp), is a product of King Corn. Have you not learned a thing, man?
This is 2012 but I'm starting from the beginning. You are the funniest confectionery reviewer in the US, maybe the world.
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